Caring Deeply.

Feb 02, 2026

It’s a troubling thing to care so deeply.

It can create the most wonderful bonds, the most connective of experiences.

But it also comes with its challenges.

If you’re reading this, I imagine you also care deeply.

You feel failure viscerally. You empathise strongly.

Maybe you feel frustrated at the fact you care so.

Maybe even shame.

Caring deeply is both a blessing and a curse.

You have a unique ability to make others feel seen. An ability to do great things through compassion and kindness.

But it also can be exhausting.

I will speak from my own experience here.

And it makes me laugh, because even as I go to type this - I feel the pull of both sides of this.

The buzz of enthusiasm to write this and share.

But also the self-doubt. The ‘is this too self-indulgent’ for my reader.

Exhausting.

The same thing bleeds over into the work I do.

I care so deeply about the outcomes of the people we work with.

I feel it viscerally when they are doing well, and the same when doing bad.

On the positive, it means I pay attention to everything, no stone left unturned.

On the negative, I also feel it when they struggle.

It might seem like a noble project to take such personal ownership for others.

But it’s not.

It’s an unfathomable burden that causes you to manage, to hold, and to shield others from the true reality too.

It’s neither compassionate nor noble, because it operates out of fear.

And so as I learn to unravel and disconnect myself from the weight of other peoples state.

As I decouple myself from the responsibility over others.

As I stop searching their eyes for any sign of discomfort or displeasure.

As I stop ruminating on that which was said.

I will say this.

You are not responsible for how others feel.

Yes, be hospitable, be kind, show empathy.

But if you’re reading this, you’re not at risk of lacking those.

Hold yourself to a high account yes.

Expect yourself to treat others well in accordance with your moral code.

But stop managing others states.

Stop trying to assess how what you said made them feel.

Stop holding back for fear of what you may evoke.

Speak freely, live vicariously, and decouple your emotional state from that of others.

Caring deeply is wonderful, but only if you can operate from abundance - not fear of how your actions will change someone else’s state.

Harry Boby