See You At the Top.

(3 minute read)

This week has been a little more flat.

Last week I was flying. It was quite magical.

Day upon day of building, of improvements.

It felt as though everything was piecing together nicely.

A 4-year jigsaw puzzle that piece by piece, and with a few times starting over, was beginning to come together neatly.

But this week is slightly less so.

Photo by Brent Frieden on Unsplash

This week has not been terrible by any means.

I’ve generally felt ok, physically less tired, and been out for a few events with friends.

And it’s not even so much the symptoms.

The pressure in my brain is slightly greater than usual, the mist a little stronger.

My mind a little less explorative.

But nothing I can’t handle, and nothing even remotely like the depths of a few months ago.

But I do find myself susceptible to my wandering mind.

A mind that wants more, likes to question, inspect and assess.

I’ve felt a tendency to clutch, grasp and grab, for a state of being like last week.

It feels just a little stretch from my fingertips. I can almost feel the sense of excitement. I can nearly smell the vibrance and energy.

It’s not like I don’t know this process.

I’ve been around the block enough times to know how this game goes.

But as much as you can intellectualise, those peaks sometimes still feel just beyond reach.

That inkling of concern. The whiff of ‘what-ifs’.

The thought that maybe, just maybe, that moment was as good as it’s going to get.

That perhaps, that moment was a bar, unobtainable to reach again.

It’s not like I don’t know that in a few weeks, as I push my boulder back up, I will look down upon that old peak with a wry smile. I’ll reflect on those times with a grin.

But for everyone else, who’s also in the trenches.

For everyone else having fears and doubts.

You’re not alone.

But I’ll see you at the top.